


Some Things Fall Away

by lonelybridgetocross



Series: when in manchester [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Keith (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Mentioned Adam (Voltron), Mentioned Shiro (Voltron), i don’t really like this one so much but you know it’s not so terrible for my first, i love pidge so much i dont know if you can tell, i won’t hurt you klance isn’t endgame in this don’t read if you want endgame klance, implied Adam/Shiro, implied klance, raffasya i dedicate this song to you the one who never sees the truth, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:33:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27417334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelybridgetocross/pseuds/lonelybridgetocross
Summary: Keith was taken a little bit by surprise. “We both knew that even if we did something about our feelings for each other, there would be a countdown on our time together, so we didn’t.”Things could have been so different if they only had time.
Relationships: Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt, Keith/Lance (Voltron), Matt Holt/Keith
Series: when in manchester [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003467
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Some Things Fall Away

**Author's Note:**

> canon compliant, if only the canon timeline stretched out a little bit longer. imagine canon, but they have been in space for a little longer.
> 
> the very first thing i’m brave enough to share since so long ago. i’m not very proud of it, but i hope you find something to enjoy in it. i spent a lot of time not doing something i love because i was too afraid of what people might have to say, but i’m putting an end to that cycle of self hatred now.
> 
> i welcome any constructive criticism, or just about anything you’d want to tell me.

Keith relished in the warmth of Matt's arms. The honest truth was that he never meant to be somewhat of a martyr. He never meant to walk into a war ten thousand years old, he never meant to be a paladin of voltron, he never meant to be a hero, and he certainly never meant to sacrifice himself in a battle against massive alien battleships. Almost, anyway. He almost sacrificed himself in a battle against massive alien battleships. 

Matt finally pulled away from Keith after minutes. Keith wished he hadn’t. Warm hands cradled his face gently.

“What, in the name of God, were you thinking?” Matt said, his voice low and barely audible. He sounded heartbroken. Keith didn’t know how to answer him, so he didn’t. “Please say something. I need to understand why you thought that was okay, Keith.”

“I’m one person,” Keith finally answered, warm tears making their way down his cheeks, “Matthew, you have to understand. We’re fighting a war, not all of us are going to make it out of this alive!” suddenly he was speaking louder, he was standing straighter, “I was just doing what I thought would spare everyone else, what was I supposed to do?”

Matt looked at Keith, body rigid and pulling away. Keith’s blood ran cold. Matt couldn’t possibly be angry, could he? 

“Fine, Keith, you’re right. I know that not all of us are going to make it out of this alive. War means casualty, I know that,” he sat down. Keith was unsure of what to do. He wanted to crawl into Matt’s arms again and hold him, but he didn’t know if that was what Matt wanted. Matt was usually so easy to read, but Keith was getting absolutely nothing from him at that moment. “It’s just, out of everybody in this stupid war, you’re one of the people I want to see on the other side the most.”

Warmth washed over Keith. Matt had always worn his heart on his sleeves. Keith knew that Matt felt for him, he was never trying to hide how he felt for Keith. He hated admitting that he felt for Matt too. It was the last thing he wanted. 

Keith first met Matt when delivering aids to the rebel fighters with the Blade of Marmoras. Of course, he’d known about Matt in the Garrison, but he was older and Keith was too busy making mistakes and giving Shiro and Adam headaches to ever really think about Matt. He looked too much like Pidge to not be the brilliant Matt that she couldn’t stop talking about. Keith, being the only human amongst the Blades, was easily identified by Matt.

“Keith Kogane. The bravest, most impulsive leader the paladins of Voltron have ever had. Katie wouldn’t stop talking about you back in the castle,” Matt had told him. Then, Keith was still carrying the guilt from leaving the paladins to be with the Blade of Marmora heavy on his shoulders. Pidge had hugged him tighter than anyone just before he left. The weight of her arms around his waist and her head on his chest lingered for weeks, and only lifted when Matt confirmed that she didn’t completely hate him for leaving. Maybe she understood, he thought, she wouldn’t be speaking highly of him if she didn’t.

Keith was immediately taken by Matt. He resembled Pidge, sure, but he was also tall and broad shouldered, jawline more defined compared to what the photographs Pidge kept of him showed. Matt was brilliant, Matt was kind, Matt was inviting, Matt was warm. Matt was beautiful, and Keith found himself impatient for his next mission with the rebel fighters. 

Missions passed and Keith couldn’t help himself from falling for the way Matt cheered in triumph whenever he and the rebel fighters successfully took down a Galra ship or the way he chuckles whenever Keith says something unintentionally funny. It was never lost on Keith either that Matt’s touches linger a little longer than necessary most times, or that his gaze softens when he looks at Keith. Keith is awkward and a little socially inept, but he wasn’t oblivious. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that Matt felt for him, and that he felt for Matt. 

Keith didn’t know what to say to the boy he loved. Matt finally looked up at him, and Keith had never seen so much frustration in Matt’s amber eyes. Frustration directed towards Keith. Matt had never been anything but happy with Keith ever since they met, and his frustration was making Keith nervous.

“I know you’re not stupid, Keith, and I know you can take care of yourself. I also know that you know I’m in love with you and I would go insane if you get hurt, let alone fucking die.”

Keith was shocked by Matt’s bluntness, to say the least. He stood frozen where he was, just feet away from where Matt was sitting on the seat behind the rebel ship’s control panels.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Matthew. That I’m sorry? I’m not. If I could go back and do whatever I did all over again, I would. I don’t want to die, Matt, if I did then I would’ve been dead long ago. But I’ve made my peace with the fact that there’s a fat chance that I might and if me dying meant everybody that I love, if it meant you get to live, then I would not hesitate. You can hate that and be angry at me all you want but that’s never going to change. I’m never going to be more important than you, not to me.”

Keith hadn’t realized that he was rambling until he was finished. Heat crawled up Keith’s neck and ears, his cheeks felt warm.

“I didn’t mean to yell like that. I just love you, and I know I said you could be mad at me, but I really don’t want that. I want you to be happy with me,” Keith mumbled, embarrassed by how forward he was being. Keith had never been good with feelings, having only Shiro to share his burdens with, but Matt made him want to be open and loving and honest. Matt opened his arms and gestured for Keith to come closer, and come closer Keith did. He stood in front of where Matt was turned to the side in his chair and let Matt wrap his arms around Keith’s waist. 

They stayed there, Keith’s arms around Matt’s neck, Matt’s head on Keith’s chest. 

“I was wrong. You are stupid. So stupid, Keith, to think that you’re expendable. Putting yourself in harm’s way isn’t showing love, unlearn that. You don’t know that you’re everything to me.” 

Keith chuckled and breathed out through his nose, his arms wrapped around Matt’s neck just a little tighter, “I was wrong too, I am sorry. I’m sorry I brought you pain like that. I’m thankful that Lotor came when he did, I’m glad I’m alive and I’m here.” With you, but that much didn’t need to be said. It’s implied, and Keith knew that Matt knew.

Matt unwinded his arms from around Keith’s waist and pulled Keith down onto his lap. Keith took Matt’s face in his hands, too nervous to lean in and actually plant a kiss on his lips. He prayed to any God that was listening that Matt would hurry up and lean in because _“God,”_ Keith thought, _“Anyone, anything that’s listening, I want him to kiss me. I want him to kiss me long and hard, please.”_

Keith’s prayers were answered soon after, it seemed, because suddenly Matt’s arms were wound around his waist again and Matt’s lips were on his. Keith had imagined what it was like to kiss Matt in the months that they had known each other, but his wildest imaginations didn’t hold a candle to what he was feeling when Matt’s lips were finally on his. Keith felt himself freeze and melt within seconds. His heart was threatening to burst. He felt like he was going to die but had never felt more alive than he did right then. 

Keith heard a knock, and then Rolo’s voice calling, “Hey, Holt, we need you in the debriefing,”

Matt sighed and pulled away from Keith, a small pout on his lips. He was annoyed, and Keith couldn’t help the little giggle that escaped him and the kiss he planted on Matt’s cheek before climbing off Matt’s lap.

“Rest, Kogane, and please stop crying. You’re breaking my heart a little,” Keith blushed, not realizing that he was still crying. The leftover shock he felt from almost dying had almost completely washed away when Matt kissed him, but he guessed it hadn't entirely left his system. Matt planted one last kiss on Keith’s forehead before following Rolo to the rebel ship’s meeting room, “Go rest in the castle ship, Keith, I’ll find you later, okay?”

Keith nodded, shooing Matt away with a wave of his hand.

As soon as Matt’s footsteps were no longer audible, Keith wiped away the tears from his face and tried to steady his breathing. He walked out of the rebel ship’s control room, off the ship, and into the Castle of Lions, which was parked right beside the rebel ship on a planet not too far from Naxzela. 

The moment he stepped into the common room, a pair of short arms wrapped around his middle. Keith smiled and put a hand in Pidge’s hair, “Hey, Gremlin, how have you been?” he couldn’t help but chuckle at Pidge’s clingy behavior. Pidge pulled away just enough to lift her head and glare at Keith. Keith grew nervous. Pidge was misty eyed, gaze more full of dread than of anger. 

“What did you do, idiot?” Pidge’s voice was soft, like she was making sure that only Keith could hear her, that the other paladins standing a few feet away from them heard nothing. Keith only gave her a look, one that he hoped was reassuring. Pidge looked anything but reassured, Keith could only hug her back briefly before Hunk was walking towards them to give Keith a massive hug, Lance and Shiro following not too far behind him. Before he knew it, Keith was in the middle of a big group hug.

“How have you been, Keith?” Allura asked from where she stood behind Keith. The paladins pulled away from the hug and Keith turned to face Allura and smiled. He missed her. He missed them. He would never admit to it, but Keith spent every leisure minute of his time with the Blades thinking about what the paladins and Coran were doing, how they were holding up without him. Seeing them as well as they were in that moment, Keith knew that he made the right decision leaving. He couldn’t have led the team as well as Shiro. He needed a lot of time to grow into leadership; time they couldn’t afford to lose, time they didn’t have. 

“I’ve been great, Princess Allura, I hope you can say the same?” Keith smiled. Allura nodded. Keith felt a hand rest on his shoulder. Shiro. Keith recognized the weight on his shoulder, he would recognize it anywhere. He smiled at the familiarity.

“We’ve been holding up just fine, Keith, but you were missed,” Shiro said in his gentle older brother voice. Keith looked to Shiro, then to Hunk, and his smile doubled in size. Hunk embraced Keith one more time. Since knowing Hunk, Keith had learned to welcome affection and embraces. He would deny it to hell and back, but the truth was he had grown to love Hunk’s hugs.

“We missed you, bud. So good to see that you’re okay,” Hunk said, letting Keith go to be hugged by Shiro. Keith was so caught up in the relief he felt from his friends not hating him, he hardly noticed Lance’s silence. Hardly being the key word. Lance was always so present, it was impossible to miss when his light was dimmer than it usually was. 

“Hi, Lance,” Keith smiled at him from inside the circle of Shiro’s arms, “How have you been?” 

Lance looked conflicted, and Keith wanted to smooth the creases between Lance’s eyebrows with his thumb. He pushed away the desire. Lance finally smiled, and Keith could feel a weight lift from his chest.

“I’ve been great, Samurai, it’s good to see you,” Lance offered a warm smile, Keith reciprocated. 

“Hey, uh, if you guys don’t mind, can I stay for a couple of days? Kolivan and the Blades don’t need me right now and,” Keith stopped, suddenly embarrassed to admit that he just needed a break from dangerous Blade of Marmora missions. Being twenty and in a war with genocidal aliens could really take a toll on one’s mind and body, it certainly has done a number on Keith.

Shiro, bless his heart, smiled and offered, “You’re always welcome here, bud, I hope you know that. We left your room untouched, just in case you ever want to pay us a visit,” Shiro turned from Keith to address the rest of the paladins, “You guys must be exhausted, big mission and all. Go, get some rest.”

The paladins waved each other goodbye and made their way to their rooms. Keith didn’t miss Pidge’s knowing look. She wasn’t going to let this go. Keith couldn’t do anything except give her yet another reassuring smile, mouthing a ‘good night’. Pidge seemed a little too tired to pester him any further, so she nodded and left. Keith knew that he was to be met with a Pidge full of questions the second she wakes up the next day.

Keith made his way to his room in the castle. Shiro meant it when he said they’ve left the room untouched. Everything was the way Keith left it. The room was empty, with the exception of a few pieces of clothing he has left, knowing—or hoping—that he’ll be back there. Just as soon as he peeled his Blade armor off, the communicator Matt gave him in confidence months ago beeped. It was a voice message from Matt.

“Hey, Keith, the rebels need me tonight, a lot of fighters got seriously banged up today. Try to get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” Matt’s voice said from the communicator. Keith was about to put it down and take off his bodysuit and hop in the shower before the message continues, “And, Keith, please don’t hesitate to ask Rolo for me if you need me tonight. I know you had it rough today, and I’m sorry that rebel leader duties are calling tonight but I promise that as soon as you call, I’m going to be right there.”

Keith felt his heart melt. He couldn’t be disappointed by Matt’s absence because he understood. He understood that Matt had a whole group of rebel fighters looking to him for leadership. He was proud above anything else, and he wasn’t going to come in the way of Matt and his duties. He stepped into the shower and tried to let the warm water loosen the knots in his muscles.

Once clean and dressed in Shiro’s old Garrison sweatshirt and a pair of comfortable shorts, Keith sat on the edge of his bed. He was restless. Exhausted, but restless. His thoughts were racing and he knew that hard as he tried, he wouldn’t be able to get a blink of sleep any time soon. He stepped out of his room and exited the hall of the paladins’ bedrooms, heading to the hall just one floor below it. As a paladin, Keith had many restless nights. He spent those restless nights mapping out the huge castle and on his fourth night, he found a room on the floor below the one his bedroom was on that had a little window nook. Since then, he’s put pillows and a blanket that he found around the castle on the nook and made it his little hideout.

Keith stepped into his secret room to be met by a surprise. There Lance was, beautiful as ever, sitting on the nook and looking out the window.

“I followed you here once but didn’t have the heart to intrude. You looked so at peace, I couldn’t possibly ruin that for you. I had a feeling that you weren’t going to sleep tonight, at least not in your room. Had a feeling you’d make your way down here,” Lance looked up, “I guess I was right.”

Keith stood frozen by the door. He felt like he just got caught doing something bad.

“Do you want me to leave?” Lance asked. 

Keith shook his head, “You wanted to see me,” the words came across as more of a statement than a question.

“I wanted to see you,” Lance confirmed.

Lance patted the empty spot next to him. Keith sat.

“Why did you want to see me, Lance?” Keith asked.

“I missed you,” Lance answered. There it was. Keith didn’t know how to behave around Lance. Lance confused him. Lance frustrated him. But no matter how much Lance aggravated him, Keith couldn’t help but miss him too. At that moment, Keith’s affection for Lance outweighed his aggravation. 

“I missed you, too,” he offered. It was out in the air now. 

Keith felt a little bit of guilt burn inside his chest. He loved Matt, he wanted to be with Matt, so why was Lance making his heart flutter? 

“What’s on your mind, Red? Why are you here?” Keith couldn’t answer, but smiled slightly at the nickname. A million things were on his mind. He was exhausted. He never asked to be enlisted in an intergalactic war with giant aliens, he never asked to be a paladin of Voltron, he never asked to be taken away from the comfort of Adam’s care on Earth. Keith swore, the day he rescued Shiro, that he was going to bring him home to Adam and get his act together. They were going to be a family again. That never happened. Keith unintentionally but ultimately left Adam all alone.

“I think I’m just really over all of this,” Keith sighed, too tired to rebuild the walls around his heart that Matt knocked down not three hours earlier, “I never planned on becoming a part of this war. I’m barely twenty years old. I was supposed to give Adam and Shiro hell back home, not out here. Not this way.”

Lance hummed, Keith knew he understood. Lance had always understood.

“If I had the choice, I’d be back home too. I was finally a fighter pilot back in the Garrison, you know,” Lance teased. Keith remembered the day he was expelled from the Garrison. Adam looked pained above everything else. Disappointment was written all over his face, but hurt was evident in his eyes. Keith felt like he had failed Adam for the millionth time since Shiro left for Kerberos.

“So you’re homesick? Is that what’s keeping you up?” Lance asked. 

“I think I’m just sick. I’m sick of this stupid war,” Keith couldn’t lie to Lance, Lance would just see through him. Being upfront and honest would just save time.

“What exactly are you sick of? You’ve never expressed the want to quit before.”

“That’s because I don’t want to quit. Not quit. I would never leave when I’m needed. I just want this to be over,” Keith sighed. Lance pursed his lips and nodded. There was a glint in his eyes, something Keith had never seen before.

“But you did, Keith. You did leave when you were needed,” Lance spat out. Keith was finally able to pin a word to the glint in Lance’s eyes; resentment. It caught Keith off guard. He was wrong, his friends did hate him for leaving and were just pretending to be happy to see him. He felt like the universe was collapsing on his shoulders. 

“Lance?” Keith’s voice was small, suddenly scared of what Lance was going to say next.

“Maybe the Blade of Marmora needed you, Keith, there is not an ounce of doubt in my mind that you were a great addition to their team but no matter how much they needed you, we needed you more,” Lance stopped. He stopped speaking, he stopped looking at Keith, and Keith could have sworn that he saw Lance stop breathing for a moment.

“That’s not true. You said so yourself, there was one paladin too many, it just wasn’t you,” Keith argued. Lance, without looking at Keith, intertwined their hands together. Keith swallowed. He let Lance hold his hand even though, deep down, he felt guilt trying to swallow him whole. His heart belonged to Matt, not Lance, not anymore.

“What happened to you? When Pidge tried to leave to find her brother, you were the one who told her that Voltron would be useless without her.”

“That was true, and it’s still true. Nobody but Pidge can fly Green, but you don’t need me to fly Black! You have Shiro, he’s a better leader than I’ll ever be and you kno-“

“You were our friend, Keith,” Lance was glaring at Keith now, “We were family. You were my friend and when you left, I felt like a part of me did too. You were my rock, and you left. You couldn’t trust us enough to give you the time to grow into the leader that we knew you could be.”

“We don’t have that kind of time. We’re fighting a war. Why are you bringing all this up, Lance? You guys are doing just fine without me! You will continue to be fine without me,” Keith pulled his hand out of Lance’s grip.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have brought this up, you’re tired. We just miss you around here. I hate to admit it, but you were our best pilot.”

Silence stretched between them. Keith pulled his legs to his chest and stretched Shiro’s big sweatshirt over his knees. The quiet was uncomfortable, neither of them were at ease. Keith could feel the tension between Lance’s shoulder blades.

“I don’t think I’ve been completely honest with you, Keith.”

Lance looked hollow.

“What are you talking about?”

“I can’t tell if you’re pretending to not notice for my sake or if you’re just completely oblivious,” Lance wasn’t looking at Keith, just out the window.

“Lance, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Before you left, we really bonded, and I think you realize that things just…” Lance trailed off.

“Changed,” Keith finished Lance’s thought, “Things changed between us, right? That’s what you were going to say?” Lance nodded. Keith wanted to rub the area below Lance’s nape to melt the tension Lance held in it, he wanted to relax Lance’s posture and make sure he was breathing. 

Lance turned his body towards Keith and reached for Keith’s hands. Keith stared at Lance in confusion, then to his hands inside Lance’s slightly bigger ones. Lance pressed one of Keith’s hands to his chest and brought the other to his cheek. Keith sat flustered and shocked at Lance’s sudden actions.

Lance’s cheek was warm, his heart was pounding underneath the palm of Keith’s hand. They were awfully close together. Lance smelled like the Altean equivalent of detergent and apple wood.

“Is this okay, Keith?” It wasn’t. Keith knew that it wasn’t. Not long ago, he was holding Matt close and telling Matt that he was ready to die for him, but there Keith was, lost in Lance’s eyes and drowning in everything he used to feel for the boy with the blue eyes. Keith didn’t know what to do. The skin of Lance’s cheek was soft and the pounding of Lance’s heart, downright addicting. Keith didn’t want to pull away, not when Lance’s arms were circling his waist and pulling him close. Keith slid the hand on Lance’s cheek down to rest on his chest. They were so close. 

“No,” Keith finally said, letting his hands drop from Lance’s chest. Hurt was written all over Lance’s face. Keith hated how much Lance looked like a younger Adam and how much his pained expression reminded him of Adam’s face the day Keith was expelled from the Garrison.

“Keith?”

“You’re not in love with me, you don’t like me like that. You like Allura, you always have!”

“I’d really love it if you don’t tell me how I feel, thanks.”

“We can’t do this, Lance, not anymore,” Keith sighed. All he could think about was how much he loved Matt and how easy Matt made getting over his feelings for Lance. Feelings Keith thought Lance would never return because of his feelings for Allura. 

“What changed, Keith? I thought there was something here, I thought you felt the same!”

“There was never anything between us, Lance, not when you only really looked at me when Allura brushes you off. I made peace with the fact that there will never be anything between us a long time ago,” Keith had never felt more far away from Lance, even when they were still seated hip to hip. 

Silence stretched between them once again, the only thing Keith could hear was Lance’s steady breathing and his heart beating in his ears.

“I couldn’t let myself fall in love with you when I was your second choice, Lance. No matter how much things have changed between us, you will never love me more than her and you know that,” he hesitated telling Lance about Matt, fearing that it was too much to put on Lance at once. 

Lance let out an exasperated sigh, blue eyes casted downwards. Keith almost reached for his hand.

“You’re right,” Lance shook his head, “I really took you for granted, didn’t I? God, Keith, we could’ve had it all but I took you for granted. All for a girl who will never love me, not the way I want her to.”

“Lance,” Keith started, voice soft, “I’m not the one for you.” 

Lance looked at Keith and smiled, small and sad and genuine.

“Does somebody else have your heart, Red?” Lance tilted Keith’s head up with a finger under Keith’s chin. Keith had no choice but to look into Lance’s sad, blue eyes.

“Yes,” Keith didn’t hesitate anymore. He was wholly Matt’s. 

Lance pursed his lips and nodded, letting his hand drop from Keith’s chin, “Can I ask you about him?” 

Keith nodded, suddenly feeling lighter at the thought of Matt. 

“Just tell me about him.”

Keith smiled, “I have never been in love in my life, not before him. You wouldn’t believe it, out of every person on Earth and every creature in the universe, I thought I would have fallen in love with someone not Galaxy Garrison bound but I didn’t. I fell in love with him, with Matthew Holt of the Kerberos Mission. Matthew Holt, whose sister will threaten to kill me if and when she finds out about us. Matthew Holt, who, for some reason, loves me too.”

Keith had never liked anyone enough to want to talk about them the way he wanted to talk about Matt. He wanted the universe to know Matt and his heart, Keith pitied any and every soul who will never experience Matt’s heart. 

He relished in the feeling of warmth for a moment. The castle was cold as always, and even though Shiro’s sweatshirt provided little to no warmth and his legs were mostly bare, he felt heat surge through his body. Keith decided then that he liked being in love, he liked it very much.

“You’re incredible, Keith, I don’t wonder why he loves you,” Lance said. They sat and stared at each other for what feels like forever until Lance broke into a smile, small but so genuine it almost made Keith cry.

Lance took both Keith’s hands in his and said, in the most genuine voice Keith had ever heard, “In another life, Keith Kogane, maybe I wouldn’t miss what’s right in front of me. Maybe I could’ve given you a reason to stay.”

Keith understood, he really understood what Lance was implying with that sentiment. If Keith hadn’t left, then he wouldn’t have met Matt when he did. If Keith hadn’t left then he wouldn’t have fallen in love with Matt the way he did. If Keith hadn’t left, he and Lance would have had the chance to fall in love the way both of them wanted to at some point in time. With that, Lance was gone. The air around Keith felt thick. Everything seemed to stand still and Keith felt uncomfortable. The room had turned from his sanctuary to the room he rejected Lance, the boy he was once so taken with, in. It made his skin crawl, so he returned to his old bedroom. The one right next door from Lance’s.

The door to his room slid open and there he was, Matt was sitting on the edge of Keith’s bed. Keith couldn’t help the smile that crept to his face, a smile that Matt returned upon Keith entering the room.

“Hey, I was wondering where you went! I was going to look for you, but I don’t know my way around the castle and I didn’t want to get lost,” Matt said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. Keith chuckled and sat himself down on Matt’s lap, making him grunt jokingly.

“How did you know which one my room was?” Keith planted a kiss on Matt’s cheek.

“I stayed in the room across the hall when Katie first found me, she mentioned this one was empty because she insisted that was what you’d prefer. Where were you?” Matt laid his head on Keith’s chest, wrapping his arms protectively around Keith’s waist to keep him from falling off his lap. Keith felt his heart stumble, both because of Matt’s gesture and Pidge standing up for him.

“I was walking around, I was trying to calm my nerves a little,” Keith answered. He didn’t know whether or not to tell Matt about what happened with Lance. He didn’t want to break Lance’s trust by sharing something so personal with anybody else, but he also didn’t want to keep anything from Matt. Keith tried to brush the nagging feeling by undoing Matt’s hair from the ponytail holding it up. They sat holding each other for a moment before Matt moved Keith off his lap and laid on the bed, gesturing for Keith to come lay with him. Keith laid facing Matt.

“You love me?”

Matt turned to lay facing Keith.

“Yes. I love you, more than anyone before.”

“Have you ever been in love before?” Keith felt a little embarrassed asking, but he felt like he needed to know. Matt chuckled softly and opened up his arms for Keith to crawl into.

“Before I left for the Kerberos mission, there was a girl…” Keith detected a hint of hesitance in Matt’s voice, so he rubbed Matt’s chest to encourage him to continue. Matt exhaled, “Walsh. Alana Walsh, if there ever was a way to describe her it would be sunshine personified.”

Keith had known of Alana. She worked as an engineer for the Kerberos mission, the very mission that brought grief to the two people he loved the most in the world. She was, at the surface, the complete opposite Keith. Alana was infectious giggles and endearing clumsiness. That was everything he knew about her, never having the desire to get to know her, or anyone that had anything to do with the Kerberos mission. From what he knew of her, Matt was spot on when describing her as sunshine personified.

“She was an engineer, a brilliant one at that. She used to work on the Kerberos mission and our paths crossed almost a full year before I was scheduled to leave. I couldn’t help it. One day she was a girl building space crafts, the next she was the girl I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. In hindsight, even if we did end up together, she probably wasn’t the one. I was twenty, what did I know?”

Keith almost regretted asking as he felt pangs of jealousy in his chest.

“I don’t regret not being with her, not one bit,” Matt said, finality in his voice. Keith was taken a little bit by surprise. “We both knew that even if we did something about our feelings for each other, there would be a countdown on our time together, so we didn’t.”

Matt sat up and Keith followed suit. He put a hand on Keith’s cheek and stroked the skin with his thumb, “I don’t regret it one bit.”

Keith swallowed the lump in his throat and tugged at the bottom of Matt’s sweater, “If you had stayed, if you had more time, what do you think would have happened between the two of you?”

Matt tilted Keith’s head so they were looking at each other. “I know a lot of things, Keith, but that isn’t one of them. What I know is,” he intertwined their fingers, “I left, I was kidnapped by genocidal aliens, I escaped and became a part of a rebel group, and I met you. What I know is that I love you now, and I can see myself loving you for as long as you would let me.”

Keith wrapped both his arms around Matt’s neck, embarrassingly teary eyed as Matt embraced him. He felt a sense of security he had only felt with Shiro before. Matt felt permanent, “I would be damned if I don’t do everything in my power to make sure he sees the other side of this war,” Keith though, “He is everything good this universe has to offer.” 

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend now?” Matt asked into Keith’s shoulder.

“Are you asking me to be?”

“I don’t know why I’m being shy all of a sudden, I’m usually so cool.”

“Yes, Matthew Holt, you are the coolest, most suave man I have ever met.”

“Don’t be a child.”

“I’m not the one being whiny right now.”

“I am not being whiny!”

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend or are you not?”

Matt pulled away from their embrace, “I most definitely am.”

Keith leaned in to plant a chaste kiss on Matt’s lips, “Then I’m saying yes.”

“Good,” Matt exhaled as he pulled Keith in for a kiss.

 _“Yeah,”_ Keith thought again, _“I would fight one thousand wars if it means I end up in his arms at the end of it.”_

**Author's Note:**

> come find me!  
> instagram: in.tertwine  
> tumblr: intert-wine


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